I CAN HARDLY BEE-LIEVE IT MYSELF.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, and everyone else, yours truly, Mike Wertz of Wertzateria DANCED ON STAGE WITH THE B-52's for SEVEN SONGS!

On August 8, 1998, my pal Nell and I went to the Shoreline Amphitheatre in the south bay to see the Pretenders and the B-52's play. Nell, the consummate Fog-head, found out thru KFOG that there was a go-go dance contest before the Pretenders came on. She and I got to the park, raced to the contest stage, jumped up, and started shaking our butts around.

We both got picked right away for the semi-finals (probably because Nell was wearing her very lovely and very vintage orange and green flowered dress). The competition was fierce - there are some bay area folks who give themselves to the dance very willingly. Delicious! There were many good 60's beehive hairdo's, many flowered costumes. A very enthusistic crowd go-go'd their way towards that magic prize.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, We have a Winner

Like I said, the competition was fierce, but I was fiercer and I made it past the semi-finals to the finals. At which point I got down on the ground and had Nell dance over me. We did the frug, we did the Camel Walk, we did the Hyp-O-Crit. Aw, shimmy, shimmy, forward, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy shake. Awwww, it's time to do 'em RIGHT. Aw, that made me feel a whole lot better. I had told myself days earlier (and my friends can attest to this) that "I am going to the Shoreline and I am going to WIN that go-go dance contest." And you know what? It worked.

Once picked (there were four of us - Two Drag Queens, one Real Girl and I) made our way with our newly acquired passes (see above) backstage, where we met the stage manager, who worked out a set list with us. I sat through the Pretenders' set (they were great..) and then readied myself for the big moment. The B's stood at the side of the stage, holding hands in a circle quietly and then going on with a spooky "Planet Claire". YYYYYEEEEEEAAAGHGHHH! My partner and I danced all the songs marked "A" on the list, the other two danced the "B" songs. We all came out for the two encores. It was hot up there, it was tiring, it was exhilirating, it was amazing. I had a podium all to myself to the left of the drum kit. Kate came up and danced with me for a while. I'll never forget it. My favorite moment was "Summer of Love" during which I pulled out some very Linda-like interpretive dance moves. I wasn't scared at all, I felt very much at home. The only fright I had was when I nearly fell off the 10-foot high poduim. Hone it in a little, Wertzie. I couldn't see that much - the Shoreline is a massive place so I could only see out to like the first section. The rest was darkness and applause.

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When I wasn't dancing, I was standing near the sound board and dancing there with the myriad sound and stage folks who wandered by - during "Love Shack" we all really boogied. Kate looked over and gave the thumbs-up. The encores were great - the dancers matched moves and bowed a very "we're not worthy" to the B's as they left the stage.

<----- Keith signed my shirt. I'm a groupie! Yay!

Once backstage, we waited for a while and then I briefly chatted with the B's, who looked tired but seemed gracious that we were there. I told Keith that this moment meant a lot to me, since they were the band that taught me that it was OK to be from outer space, that there were "thousands of others like me". As a teen, I got the message. I didn't feel much like schmoozing backstage: I always feel uncomfortable doing that. I thanked Keith and Kate and ran out to meet Nell and some friends she had made who gave me a hearty round of applause. She endured with great patience my ceaseless chatter about the experience for the entire car ride back to San Francisco.

Postscript

I ran into Fred Schneider (no, it didn't hurt) in November 1998, here in downtown San Fransassy. I was like, "Fred! Hey! I go-go danced for you guys" He said "Hello. Don't get hit by that car." We were standing in traffic. I was overly enthusiastic, and he seemed pretty downbeat - but he did shake my hand. I'm sure it must be a strain to be a positive influence on the universe at all times. Some days, you just wanna be grumpy.

Here are some photos of the dancers from the magic day. All these folks were so much fun! In the first picture, I'm the goofy looking one on the far right.